Good relationships Have Moderate Jealousy
There are two types of jealousy. There is the jealousy that does not take anything for granted, which can make
you a more zealous lover. On the other hand, there is the jealousy that comes out of your insecurity, which can
make you a controlling stalker.
The truth is that you each need a nice balance of both to be a loving, humble partner in a good relationship. If
you go too far in one direction, you will smother your partner and eventually drive a wedge between you and the one
The catch is that sometimes insecurity is justified by the actions of an unfaithful partner. However, indulging
such insecurity to the extreme will doom your relationship. You need to learn how to trust each other. Likewise,
you need to learn how to be trustworthy and transparent if you wish to be loved, but not smothered.
Personal insecurity is perhaps the most insidious of all relationship assassins. Jealousy is just one of many
destructive ways in which personal insecurity can manifest itself. Indulging thoughts about how unworthy you feel
of your partner or of how much more attractive other people are than you is a sure way to sabotage a good
The truth that you should embrace is that your partner is with you for a reason. If you give yourself fully to
satisfying the needs of your partner, there can be no one better for your partner. If your partner rejects
everything you have, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the flaws of your partner. If you
truly love your partner, you'll want to give all you reasonably can to make your partner happy. With that, you have
a reasonable expectation that your partner will do likewise.
If you suffer from constant thoughts of jealousy, ask yourself whether they are because your partner is
untrustworthy or because you think you would do wrong by your partner if the situation was reversed. In many cases,
the wrongs we see in others are the things about which we feel insecure. If you find yourself following your
partner around or making threats to your partner about cheating, analyze carefully whether you are acting out of
your insecurity or in response to your partner's behavior.
Be jealous for your partner's love and attention, but trust them to interact with others and still be true to
you. Fill all of their needs for affection, and if your partner is worthy of your love, he or she will never go
looking elsewhere. Strong relationships are built on trust. You must moderate and channel your jealousy into
loving, trusting behavior.
Do not give in to your insecurities. Remember that they are your flaw, not your partner's flaw. If you try to
account for every hour of your partner's life, they very well may naturally seek more time away from you. If you
give your partner freedom, love, and respect, there is no reason for your partner to want to be anywhere but with
The bottom line is that even if you turn out to be right about your partner cheating, you'll be happier if you
did nothing to push them away. But, if you were constantly stalking them and waiting for a mistake, you'll be much
more culpable for any infidelity. Give your heart fullyand do not marry someone you do not trust fully. Once you
marry though, you're committed to giving your full trust, for better or worse.