How to Cope with Marriage Ghosts

People who remarry think that this time they are going to get it right and have a long lasting marriage. Many believe that they can apply what they learned in their fist marriage to make their second one better.

Get Rid of Your Marriage Ghosts

Anyone who has had a marriage end probably needs to do some work on themselves. Maybe you are the exception and have no issues or regrets associated with your previous marriage. The majority of people who get divorced need to discuss what happened in the marriage and why it ended in order to find peace. The worst thing to do is to bring fears and insecurities into the second marriage.

Your ex-spouse is almost like a ghost that haunts you forever. You cannot get rid of this ghost because it is part of who you are but the key is to treat the ghost like a memory. You don’t want the ghost to cause problems for you in future relationships. Whenever people go through a divorce, they often put the blame for the failure of the relationship on their spouse but usually both parties are responsible to some extent. Two people are needed for a good relationship, which means two people both can end a relationship.

That is where the fear and insecurity comes from. All marriages are unique and they all end in divorce for their own reasons. You have to learn from your experiences and figure out what you can do better in your second marriage if you want the relationship to last. No one wants to make the same mistakes twice.

It can be difficult to banish the ghosts from your past. You have to be honest with yourself and look deep into your soul. You will need to figure out what it was that you did that contributed to your divorce so you don’t do those things again. Keep in mind, though, that your new spouse is his or her own person and not the same as your ex-spouse.

You cannot expect your spouse to want the exact same things from you and you shouldn't treat your new spouse like you did your first spouse. A surefire way to end up divorced again is to treat your second spouse like he or she is no different from your first.

Create New Images

You can have different ghosts from your first marriage. It may be that you have emotional baggage. It may be that there are children from your first marriage, which means custody and child support issues, or maybe there are issues with alimony. When two people blend their families together in a second marriage, a lot of patience is required.

It is easy to get upset when you see things like money going out of your new household to pay alimony to your spouse’s ex-wife or to pay for child support. It is important to have an open and honest discussion with your new spouse about any problems in the relationship. The key to a happy marriage is communicating with your spouse.

A great way to help your second marriage succeed is to create new traditions and build memories with your spouse that are your own and different from your past. Both you and your spouse want your marriage to work so you need to be patient and understanding with each other.

Don’t do things like putting out expensive gifts you got from your first wedding and going on and on about how much you love them. Keep the items from your first wedding out of sight and be considerate of your new spouse’s feelings.

It is easier than you think to create new images in a second marriage. Try new things together on the holidays that will be memorable for both of you. Select a favorite hotel or restaurant to be your date night spot. Anything you can do to create new traditions and memories that have nothing to do with your first marriage will be good for your second marriage.

Get It Right

It is very scary to get married again after a divorce. Many people are afraid to open themselves up to the possible hurt after a marriage ends. When you find the right person, you will be able to take that risk and you will want to have a second marriage. Always remember why you fell in love with your new spouse and make sure you are considerate when it comes to issues with your first marriage.



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