What to Do When There is Violence in Your Home

There are too many cases of domestic violence in the home. There are different kinds of domestic violence and abuse. including physical, emotional, mental, and sexual abuse. A lot of people are surprised to learn that a husband can commit sexual abuse by forcing his wife to have sex against her will. Just because a couple is married does not mean a man can force his wife to have sex. That is not part of the definition of marriage.

Domestic violence comes in forms other than sexual abuse, though. Your spouse can be physically abusive or he can belittle you all the time until your self-esteem is gone. The purpose of the abuse is for the abusive spouse to be in control. All types of domestic violence are about control. The abuser has a need to be in control and have power over another person.

It is easy to find examples of the types of behaviors that abusers use to control victims. They include yelling and name calling, among other things. The abused spouse often feels like she is always being careful not to upset her spouse. If she does anything wrong in the eyes of her spouse, the abuser may react angrily and violently. Sometimes, the abuser lashes out for no reason at all. Abusers want to isolate their victims from their friends and family, want to be in charge of the household and the finances, and will usually have severe mood swings.

Living with Secret Pain

A lot of stories about domestic violence don’t get told until a couple is divorced. Many spouses go through years and years of physical and emotional abuse without telling anyone what is going on. The majority of domestic violence cases are men trying to control their wife. The man takes control of everything in the couple’s life, including the children, because he knows his wife won’t leave without the children. A woman who goes through domestic violence loses her self-esteem to the point where she doesn’t feel like she can leave and make it on her own.

Another type of domestic violence is violence between parents and their children. There is a growing number of children who are abused by their parents. Another type of domestic violence involves older children who are abusive to their parents. No matter what type of domestic violence someone endures, it causes great pain in families.

Facing the Problem

A lot of women won’t talk to anyone else about the domestic violence they are experiencing. They are sometimes embarrassed, afraid of what others will think about them, or afraid their spouse will become more violent. If a victim of abuse can openly admit that there is domestic violence in her home, the abuser loses most of his power over her. If an abused spouse can admit there is abuse, she can start figuring out how to get out of the relationship.

There is hope for a marriage with domestic violence but only when the abuser wants to change. No one should have to live with abuse in his or her life, and nothing anyone does justifies abuse. The victim of the abuse needs to get out of the home and away from the abuser. An abuser needs to start the road to recovery with therapy to help him learn new ways to deal with his anger.

There are laws to protect victims of abuse and shelters across the country that can take in victims of abuse. You could always go and stay with family if you have some near you but if not, you can find a shelter that will take you and your children in and help you. These shelters are equipped to help the victims and also deal with the abusers who get even more angry when their spouse leaves them.

There are abusers who can get better and learn new ways of expressing themselves by attending therapy so they no longer need to control their spouse. Often the counseling starts out with the abuser with his abused spouse joining the sessions when the counselor thinks it is the right time to do so.

Can You Save Your Marriage?

Many abusers who attend counseling to try to get better discover they had issues in childhood that negatively affected them. People who are victims of abuse as a child are likely to be abusers when they become adults. Abuse almost always leads to abuse. That is why it is important to stop the cycle of abuse early on.

Someone who is abusive has an emotional illness. That makes the problem of domestic violence very hard to fix but it is something that can be addressed if you really want your marriage to work. The most important thing for a victim of abuse to do is to get out of the abusive situation before she try to fix the problem. There is no reason for anyone to stay in an abusive relationship.