Where Did the Love Go?
It is a lot more difficult than people think to keep love alive in a long term relationship. Many divorces and
breakups occur because people decide that they don’t have the love for their partner that they once
did and they don’t want to live without love. That is not the only choice, though. A couple can work on rebuilding
the love in their marriage and start a new, stronger relationship.
It is easy to assume that getting a divorce is the best and quickest way to resolve problems in a marriage. All
you have to do is leave and start a new life and you will hopefully meet someone new who will be everything you
want in a spouse. You can start a new life and have a happy ending. Keep in mind that this is what you thought you
were doing when you married your current spouse.
Even if you think the love is gone, it may still be there but you just don’t see it. Your marriage is probably
suffering from the stresses that we all encounter every day in our lives. Marriage is not easy because the act of
living with someone else is never easy. If someone tells you it is easy, he probably has never been married.
Marriage should be enjoyable, though. You should have fun together with your spouse on a regular basis. If you
stop having fun with your spouse and the marriage is all work all the time, you may think the love is gone.
When the Passion Starts to Fade
After several years of marriage, many couples find their main focus is the day-to-day things that are part of
life instead of each other. With spouses working and being apart every day, a lot of people feel disconnected.
Children require a lot of a couple’s time and attention, which leaves less time for the couple. Instead of going
out for romantic dinners, you are eating at fast food places and dealing with crying children. You may have given
up going out to eat at all!
All couples have strong passion for each other in the early years. Your lives together were just beginning and
the possibilities seemed endless. You had a strong connection both physically and emotionally. The passion that we
have early on in a marriage is something thought to exist only with young people. That is a huge misconception but
a lot of people from the baby boomer generation still believe it to be true.
It is possible to keep the passion in your marriage but it takes hard work. You need to have more to your
marriage than responsibilities and work. You need some passion and fun in your relationship if you want to stay
emotionally and physically connected with your spouse. A lot of so-called loveless marriages are not hopeless. The
passion is there but it has just died down to a very low flame due to neglect.
How to Fan the Flames
If a marriage does not seem to have any passion, it is probably because the passion is focused in other areas.
Some people have a lot of passion for their job or their children but they don’t focus any of their passion on
their spouse in the marriage. If you want to have a strong, healthy marriage, you have to pay attention to it and
tend it. If you ignore the passion and love in your marriage, they will fade away. All relationships take a lot of
work and that includes a marriage.
You have a lot of options when it comes to ways to fan the flames of passion into a roaring flame. Try doing
activities together that you did when you were first married. If you would get all dressed up and have a fancy
dinner at your favorite restaurant, do that again. If you used to rent silly movies and stay up laughing together,
try doing that again.
You can rebuild your passion even after years of marriage together. The things you used to do may be more
difficult if you are older but you could just make a small change like going for a walk in the park instead of a
hike. As long as you are having fun with your spouse and not only focusing on the responsibilities in your life, it
Romance is Different for Everyone
Not all couples have the same idea of what is romantic. You and your spouse need to figure out what romantic
means to you as a couple and keep that romance active. If you have a strong physical and romantic love for each
other, you will also have passion.
Remember that no matter how difficult and lonely your marriage is right now, you can find the passion you once
had for each other again. Try doing some fun activities with your spouse and you will see the love and passion
start to grow. It was always there; it was just neglected.