Fix the Communication Breakdown in the Marriage And Stop A Divorce
One line in a Led Zeppelin song goes like this: "Communication breakdown, it’s always the same, having a nervous
breakdown, a drive me insane". Maybe you are not insane yet but there is no denying that a communication breakdown
puts a lot of stress on a marriage. When there is a communication breakdown, the result can be arguments, conflict,
pain, and possibly divorce.
It can be hard to cope with communication issues because you may not notice them right away. It can start with
an argument and then they occur more and more often. All of a sudden, you start to see that you don’t understand
what your spouse is telling you and you are not being consulted on the big decisions anymore.
Another problem with a communication breakdown is that often people become very critical of their spouse. Maybe
you can relate to feeling like your spouse is constantly criticizing you. It can be hard to hear criticism even if
it is justified. Being criticized bothers everyone and often leads to a communication breakdown.
Constant criticism is often a sign that there is indeed a breakdown. Your spouse wants to express something to
you but he or she chooses to do it in a negative way. You don’t understand what your spouse is upset about and you
end up feeling like you did something wrong.
It is especially difficult to hear criticism from your spouse. There is often a strong emotional reaction when
your spouse criticizes you that doesn’t occur with other people because of the love you share with your spouse.
When you are criticized, you may feel like you are not good enough and that can lead to problems in other areas,
including the bedroom.
Words as Weapons
When there is a communication breakdown in a marriage, the consequences can be severe if it is not dealt with.
When you are constantly criticizing your spouse, your spouse will feel as if he or she is being attacked with words
and that hurts. You and your spouse will definitely have a fight if you say your spouse needs to lose weight or if
he or she is not pleasing you sexually. Feelings will be hurt and people will be angry. You can give criticism in a
way that is not going to lead to these issues if you do it in a constructive way.
The first thing you need to do is to make sure you use words in a positive way that actually express your needs
to your spouse. You don’t have to tell your wife she is fat when you could talk to her about starting to work out
together and eat better because you want to spend many more years with her. Instead of telling your husband that he
is never around and is neglecting you, talk to him calmly about how you want to spend more time with him and how
that can happen.
All married couples need to know the importance of focusing on one problem at a time in their relationship.
Frequently, criticism leads to a disagreement and all of a sudden you both are bringing up a variety of issues.
If you don’t discuss issues as they occur and just ignore them, you are eventually going to have a communication
breakdown with your spouse. When this happens, you both become angry and you stop listening to each other. When
this happens, both of you generally don’t even know why you started arguing because you stopped listening.
Use Your Brain
It is important that you focus on using your brain and not letting emotions overwhelm you when you communicate
with your spouse. You need to tell your spouse what you are thinking and feeling without sounding critical.
Criticism is often a habit that people develop and they don’t even know that they are doing it after awhile.
If you are the spouse who is being criticized, you can change the way you communicate by not overreacting.
Instead of responding defensively, try asking questions. You are eventually going to get the chance to talk to your
spouse about the criticism and how it makes you feel. Until then, you are not engaging your spouse in a way that
will lead to an argument.
A communication breakdown is a very serious problem for many marriages. Often, this begins with a spouse being
overly critical of his or her partner. It is possible to change the way you communicate with your spouse but you
need to first be aware of the problem. When your spouse sees you want to communicate in a healthy way, he or she
will be open to conversation.